I got asked to tell someone my coming out story and realised I made my tumblr to blog my coming out experiences - but never summarised it all up. So yeah.. I always knew I was ‘different’ like most people at a young age. I remember having a crush on my teacher (who was male obviously) in year 4. I was the kid who didn’t play football and talked with the girls. Then I went to an all boys catholic school which was pretty rough when I was in year 7 but it improved alot through the years. I went deep into the closet and started listening to UK grime music. Then in year 11 a rumour was being spread that I was gay and I denied it even to myself. Numerous things were posted on my facebook such as: ‘Do you want to go to prom with me you gayyy fuckinnn cuuuuuunt’ and gay porn links with photos. My family then saw before I deleted them and I convinced them it was a prank. Now I go to a middle class liberal sixth form but was afraid of the rumours starting again all last year. During this moment, I fell for two girls emotionally and used it to convince myself that I was bi and would end up having a wife and kids etc.. and not tell anyone I like guys. Meanwhile, I became friends with a gay couple at my sixth form who are accepted by everyone. Not to mention two people from my last school came out at their new sixth forms (one of them was my good friend who I used to hang around with). So I accepted that I was, at this moment, ‘bi’. I hadn’t told anyone and created a tumblr as a platform to talk to other lgbt people. In august I decided I would slowly start telling people and blog my experience on tumblr. The first person I told was that friend from my last school who came out. It was over facebook because we haven’t seen each other in nearly a year and we only spoke through facebook at that time. After talking to them for a while I started to get the urge to tell others. So I told the people who I’m close with but don’t talk to frequently so that if I got a bad reaction it wouldn’t be too upsetting. It turns out I never got a bad reaction from any of my friends. I left things for a few weeks and said that I would come out to everyone at my sixth form in September. By this time I had told roughly 3 people at my sixth form who didn’t spread the word. Within the first 2 weeks back I told a few more people. I expected the whole year to know after telling a few people but everyone at this school is liberal and minded their own business. By October I told the majority of my close circle of friends. Some people still don’t know because it hadn’t been brought up in a conversation with them involved and are shocked when I mention something like ‘he’s cute’. Just before January I started to accept that I was gay and emotional feelings alone are not enough for me to date any girl. I made a promise that I would tell my parents before new years; as I was sick of my mum and brother making homophobic comments around me without knowing. So when I told my mum she thought I was joking and didn’t take it very kindly. She said something like - “Don’t say that, it’s not funny. You know I don’t like that stuff” followed by a 10 minute silence. She then said it was a phase and I’m confused so I argued why it isn’t and it’s not going to change. She said “I’m sorry but I don’t like it”. I said “thanks for that” then ran up to my room. I messaged people on facebook and made a post on tumblr panicking about what happened. Then 2 hours later she came up and wanted to talk. I started crying and she walked me downstairs. I explained to her my feelings and how I felt at a young age. When she saw me crying she understood that I was telling the truth and felt guilty for making me cry. She apologised for ages and asked if I wanted to tell my dad. I wasn’t nervous about telling my dad because he’s pretty liberal and people used to call my half sister a lesbian to which he said: “so what”. (She isn’t a lesbian by the way). I let my mum call my dad and tell him everything that happened where he then shouted at her and said: “what did you say that to him for!?! We’re not in the ’60s anymore”. She then told my other sister and brother who was hurt because I didn’t talk to him about any of this. Wtf?!? He’s like the most homophobic person I knew growing up. Just a few weeks before that we were at a train station and we saw two europian men kiss each other on the cheek to greet each other. My brother said “I don’t care what country you come from, that’s just gay err”. So anyway, my mum kept apologising for days after and said she just went into shock and doesn’t understand it but wants me to be happy. Now I’ve been gay clubbing etc.. and have a few lesbian, gay and bi friends who I’ve been gay clubbing with. I haven’t spoken to my family about it since that day and it’s kind of a taboo subject in the house. So yeah.. now I just have to wait and see how they act when I bring a boy home. 

I just need to get this off my chest. Countless times I hear gay people, including myself, get really offended when straight people say something about a masculine gay guy or a feminine lesbian. We’ve heard phrases similar to:”How can he be gay if he acts so straight and drinks beer” or “I had no idea because she hasn’t got short hair”. Then we proceed to express how our sexuality has nothing to do with our personality. HOWEVER, the second some of you see a straight guy who has a feminine quality or a straight girl who plays tennis you are the first to shout out “closet queen”. Excuse me? What happened to this idea about personality does not mean sexuality. If I like to go the gym and watch sports it doesn’t mean that I’m straight or faking it. So why can’t a straight guy be a hair dresser or go to the ballet without people accusing them of being in the closet. It just seems a little hypocritical for some of us to pull out the ‘my sexuality is not all that I am’ card then accuse every straight person who has some quality that we link to homosexuality of being gay or lesbian. Yes, sometimes it may be the case that an individual is in the closet and has tendencies which may make you assume so. But if they say that they’re straight then leave it be and believe them for the mean time. I’m sorry for the rant. I just thought that a lot of people within the lgbt community are guilty of contradicting themselves.  

Me in 2011: 

Me in 2012:

The most difficult person to come out to was myself, and now, I couldn’t imagine being anything different. Every once in a while it’s nice to remind myself that in the end - coming out was the best thing I could have done for myself.

I remember when I started to come out in August and said that I want to tell my parents by the new year. It’s now December. Ahh!

Don’t panic, Chris:

It’s not going to be as bad as I think. Plus, I’ve given myself some time to gain support from everyone else first. I just know that I’m going to panic and say it in the worst way possible. Like:

Then after explaining it I will be like:

I just know if I don’t tell them now I’ll end up never telling them. Leading to an unsatisfactory life of having an unwanted wife and kids that I don’t even want. Or living by myself. After all…

 I don’t want to be labelled any longer. I feel that it just confuses people (including myself). When I say that I’m bisexual people assume that I’m attracted to males and females in the same way - but I’m not. If I’m going to be completely honest, I vision myself dating and spending the rest of my life with a guy. However when I say that people get judgemental and point there finger like: 

..and had to pretend that you had a favourite sports team so people wouldn’t get suspicious. Praying someone didn’t ask you a question about the team because you had no clue to any of the answers.

I remember a time when my ‘friends’ were having a discussion about homosexuality, and I just stood there helplessly listening as they made me feel like shit. From left, right and centre I can hear remarks pushing me further and further into the closet. ”I would slap my son if he was gay, sit him down and force him to watch straight porn”. 

My exact face expression:

But the longer I stood silent, the more I felt that they would start to realise that I wasn’t completely straight. I know what the majority of you are thinking - ‘you shouldn’t have been friends with them; they’re not worth it’. The fact is that at this time I felt like it was the social norm to have this attitude. No matter who I spoke to, everyone my age in this area had these opinions. So, I felt like I had to join in to make sure that they didn’t find out. In my head I was telling myself:

But the fear of being outed took over. I joined in with the jokes - ”Their farts sound like whistles, haha”. 

Looking back, I realise that if I wasn’t attracted to guys I would have been saying these things without caution. My family, who don’t know about my bisexuality yet, are constantly making jokes when we see flamboyant men or butch women. If I wasn’t born this way I would have been taught to make fun of gays, lesbians, bisexuals etc.. and think that it’s okay. I mean, sometimes I think it’s okay - if it is done purely for comedy and not general opinion. There’s a difference between laughing with me and laughing at me. 

So I admit it, I joined in with homophobia, and I regret every word. I just wanted to say that no matter if you’re: straight, gay, bi, trans, pan, human or alien, if you stand up against what seems the social norm for your own opinion… I have a 

“SUCK ON THAT!”

So, I was woken up early because my sister’s body decided to go into labour and I had to drive my mum to her house. So, I was driving like:

Then it reminded me of the fact that I haven’t told my parents that I’m not giving them any grandchildren. Since coming out I’ve started to realise that I prefer guys. It’s just that girls can be complicated; I always end up being the ‘best friend’ when I get close to a girl which leads the idea of a relationship to feel almost like incest. With guys the feelings are much more simple and I’m more comfortable around them. My parents are going to be like:

The fact is: