I got asked to tell someone my coming out story and realised I made my tumblr to blog my coming out experiences - but never summarised it all up. So yeah.. I always knew I was ‘different’ like most people at a young age. I remember having a crush on my teacher (who was male obviously) in year 4. I was the kid who didn’t play football and talked with the girls. Then I went to an all boys catholic school which was pretty rough when I was in year 7 but it improved alot through the years. I went deep into the closet and started listening to UK grime music. Then in year 11 a rumour was being spread that I was gay and I denied it even to myself. Numerous things were posted on my facebook such as: ‘Do you want to go to prom with me you gayyy fuckinnn cuuuuuunt’ and gay porn links with photos. My family then saw before I deleted them and I convinced them it was a prank. Now I go to a middle class liberal sixth form but was afraid of the rumours starting again all last year. During this moment, I fell for two girls emotionally and used it to convince myself that I was bi and would end up having a wife and kids etc.. and not tell anyone I like guys. Meanwhile, I became friends with a gay couple at my sixth form who are accepted by everyone. Not to mention two people from my last school came out at their new sixth forms (one of them was my good friend who I used to hang around with). So I accepted that I was, at this moment, ‘bi’. I hadn’t told anyone and created a tumblr as a platform to talk to other lgbt people. In august I decided I would slowly start telling people and blog my experience on tumblr. The first person I told was that friend from my last school who came out. It was over facebook because we haven’t seen each other in nearly a year and we only spoke through facebook at that time. After talking to them for a while I started to get the urge to tell others. So I told the people who I’m close with but don’t talk to frequently so that if I got a bad reaction it wouldn’t be too upsetting. It turns out I never got a bad reaction from any of my friends. I left things for a few weeks and said that I would come out to everyone at my sixth form in September. By this time I had told roughly 3 people at my sixth form who didn’t spread the word. Within the first 2 weeks back I told a few more people. I expected the whole year to know after telling a few people but everyone at this school is liberal and minded their own business. By October I told the majority of my close circle of friends. Some people still don’t know because it hadn’t been brought up in a conversation with them involved and are shocked when I mention something like ‘he’s cute’. Just before January I started to accept that I was gay and emotional feelings alone are not enough for me to date any girl. I made a promise that I would tell my parents before new years; as I was sick of my mum and brother making homophobic comments around me without knowing. So when I told my mum she thought I was joking and didn’t take it very kindly. She said something like - “Don’t say that, it’s not funny. You know I don’t like that stuff” followed by a 10 minute silence. She then said it was a phase and I’m confused so I argued why it isn’t and it’s not going to change. She said “I’m sorry but I don’t like it”. I said “thanks for that” then ran up to my room. I messaged people on facebook and made a post on tumblr panicking about what happened. Then 2 hours later she came up and wanted to talk. I started crying and she walked me downstairs. I explained to her my feelings and how I felt at a young age. When she saw me crying she understood that I was telling the truth and felt guilty for making me cry. She apologised for ages and asked if I wanted to tell my dad. I wasn’t nervous about telling my dad because he’s pretty liberal and people used to call my half sister a lesbian to which he said: “so what”. (She isn’t a lesbian by the way). I let my mum call my dad and tell him everything that happened where he then shouted at her and said: “what did you say that to him for!?! We’re not in the ’60s anymore”. She then told my other sister and brother who was hurt because I didn’t talk to him about any of this. Wtf?!? He’s like the most homophobic person I knew growing up. Just a few weeks before that we were at a train station and we saw two europian men kiss each other on the cheek to greet each other. My brother said “I don’t care what country you come from, that’s just gay err”. So anyway, my mum kept apologising for days after and said she just went into shock and doesn’t understand it but wants me to be happy. Now I’ve been gay clubbing etc.. and have a few lesbian, gay and bi friends who I’ve been gay clubbing with. I haven’t spoken to my family about it since that day and it’s kind of a taboo subject in the house. So yeah.. now I just have to wait and see how they act when I bring a boy home. 

I just need to get this off my chest. Countless times I hear gay people, including myself, get really offended when straight people say something about a masculine gay guy or a feminine lesbian. We’ve heard phrases similar to:”How can he be gay if he acts so straight and drinks beer” or “I had no idea because she hasn’t got short hair”. Then we proceed to express how our sexuality has nothing to do with our personality. HOWEVER, the second some of you see a straight guy who has a feminine quality or a straight girl who plays tennis you are the first to shout out “closet queen”. Excuse me? What happened to this idea about personality does not mean sexuality. If I like to go the gym and watch sports it doesn’t mean that I’m straight or faking it. So why can’t a straight guy be a hair dresser or go to the ballet without people accusing them of being in the closet. It just seems a little hypocritical for some of us to pull out the ‘my sexuality is not all that I am’ card then accuse every straight person who has some quality that we link to homosexuality of being gay or lesbian. Yes, sometimes it may be the case that an individual is in the closet and has tendencies which may make you assume so. But if they say that they’re straight then leave it be and believe them for the mean time. I’m sorry for the rant. I just thought that a lot of people within the lgbt community are guilty of contradicting themselves.  

 I don’t want to be labelled any longer. I feel that it just confuses people (including myself). When I say that I’m bisexual people assume that I’m attracted to males and females in the same way - but I’m not. If I’m going to be completely honest, I vision myself dating and spending the rest of my life with a guy. However when I say that people get judgemental and point there finger like: 

..and had to pretend that you had a favourite sports team so people wouldn’t get suspicious. Praying someone didn’t ask you a question about the team because you had no clue to any of the answers.

I remember a time when my ‘friends’ were having a discussion about homosexuality, and I just stood there helplessly listening as they made me feel like shit. From left, right and centre I can hear remarks pushing me further and further into the closet. ”I would slap my son if he was gay, sit him down and force him to watch straight porn”. 

My exact face expression:

But the longer I stood silent, the more I felt that they would start to realise that I wasn’t completely straight. I know what the majority of you are thinking - ‘you shouldn’t have been friends with them; they’re not worth it’. The fact is that at this time I felt like it was the social norm to have this attitude. No matter who I spoke to, everyone my age in this area had these opinions. So, I felt like I had to join in to make sure that they didn’t find out. In my head I was telling myself:

But the fear of being outed took over. I joined in with the jokes - ”Their farts sound like whistles, haha”. 

Looking back, I realise that if I wasn’t attracted to guys I would have been saying these things without caution. My family, who don’t know about my bisexuality yet, are constantly making jokes when we see flamboyant men or butch women. If I wasn’t born this way I would have been taught to make fun of gays, lesbians, bisexuals etc.. and think that it’s okay. I mean, sometimes I think it’s okay - if it is done purely for comedy and not general opinion. There’s a difference between laughing with me and laughing at me. 

So I admit it, I joined in with homophobia, and I regret every word. I just wanted to say that no matter if you’re: straight, gay, bi, trans, pan, human or alien, if you stand up against what seems the social norm for your own opinion… I have a 

“SUCK ON THAT!”

So I keep hearing this phrase: ‘It gets better’. I understand that for some of us living in silence within the confines of the spider web-infested closet is like being stuck in a pile of sinking sand; we’re being pulled into society’s ideology whereby heterosexuality is the ‘norm’, and try to keep calm waiting to make the last steps or in some cases be dragged out of this ‘sinking sand’ that is the closet and into freedom. From then on, we are told the phrase: ‘it gets better’.

Why does this phrase even exist, what has made it normal for people to be in the closet in the first place? In all honesty, the thing keeping me in the closet and stopping myself from coming out wasn’t the fear of the unknown or rejection, but the fact that I fell to the bottom of that sand pit and actually believed that the heterosexual ‘normal’ life was the best for me. I remember saying to myself that I’m going to grow up to have a wife with two kids in a house with a garden. It wasn’t until I realised that over 80% of the married straight couples I know are/have been involved in a divorce or separation of some sort that I realised this lifestyle may not be for me. Take my parents for example: my mum has been divorced before but didn’t marry my dad, and although they don’t live in the same household they have been happy together for over 19 years. In comparison to almost every other couple I know who have kids and have been married for 3 - 35 years and are miserable to the point of having counselling. 

So it got me thinking, why should we let society trick us into believing that the hetero lifestyle is the happiest one? Since we were just kids the idea of a lifestyle being with someone from the same sex has been hidden from us. This goes back to when we watched children shows such as Rugrats, whereby the closest thing we got to seeing a character of the lgbt community was Phil and Lil’s mother who conforms to the stereotypes of a butch lesbian. Yet she is shown to have that life of having been with a man and having two children. Why? from an early age the idea of being gay, lesbian, bisexual or other forms of sexuality are shown as being ‘taboo’. No wonder why I fell into the sand bit that sucked me into believing that the heterosexual lifestyle was best for myself, and as a result lived in that spider web-infested, suffocating closet for 17 years.

It wasn’t until I came out that I realised I am more happy to be true to myself than I am to believe I will definitely have that ‘normal’ happy life. The idea of being with someone who makes me happy and not need counselling is ten times more appealing than living in that claustrophobic space that we call ‘the closet’ for the rest of my life. No, I don’t regret a thing. So you can stop telling me ‘it gets better’; because I don’t see how it can get any better from here onwards. Yes, I may loose a few so called ‘friends’ along the way, but only the ones that don’t matter. Yes, things may become awkward between my family and I, but I can’t control whether or not they love me enough to look past it. Yes, I may get called a ‘fag’, but if I don’t get called a fag it will be something else anyway. So how can it get better when there’s nothing better than finally realising that the good things about being out of the closet outweigh the bad. 

So I’m out to a few close friends and they think it’s awesome..

However I plan on telling everyone else at my school in September..

Wish me luck!

Anonymous asked: How old were you when you knew you where bisexual?

That’s a tricky question.. =/ and there’s no straight forward answer.

I always knew that I acted different from the other boys at the age of about 6.. but at that time I had crushes on girls mentally and emotionally.

Then later on during puberty I started to like girls physically too. I denied liking boys physically - thinking I would just ignore it and only ever date girls and ‘turn fully straight’ later on in life. That was until I had my first crush on a boy. I was about 13 and his name was also Christopher. I guess from then I knew I liked both boys and girls both mentally and physically. But I always thought that I would live my life pretending to be straight. It wasn’t until recently I realised I don’t care any more and have accepted the idea of being bisexual.